How to be a Woman
1) Accept your emotions.
Feminine energy is expressive by nature, and a woman is bound to have plenty of wild feelings to express. But rather than allowing outbursts and impulses to control her life, she understands that her emotions are not there to guide her actions, but to teach her a lesson in the moment. She does not repress or stifle her emotions, or try to remain calm at all times. She realizes that not only does emotional energy need to be expressed (or else it builds and stagnates inside her), but her crazy outbursts and mood swings are actually a vital ingredient of her expressive beauty. Therefore, she expresses but also listens to her emotions humbly, intending that wisdom be revealed and honoring her own occasional inability to see clearly.
2) Be beautiful.
As a feminine expression of divine energy, a woman is physically beautiful. Perhaps not to all men, and perhaps not to modeling agencies, but she always styles herself to accentuate her own radiance. A woman whose eyes glow with love and enthusiasm may not need to be thin, have round and shiny ‘parts’, or even wear makeup, as this love-glow is enough to tell anyone she meets that she is alive inside.
A woman is comfortable being a human flower–whereas the masculine acts upon the world, the feminine exists in it as divine art.
3) Consciously devote yourself.
A woman trusts herself to choose a worthy man in whom she can completely invest her heart and her energy. Such a devoted woman has the courage to trust her man’s steady vision to penetrate the fog of her rampant emotions.
She supports her man on his path and is unafraid to humbly voice her ideas, but allows him to make all the decisions.
She faithfully engages the adventures he creates.
She is not enslaved to this man by her emotions, but chooses each day to trust him completely all over again. Therefore, she asks “How may I serve you in this moment?”
She accepts his mistakes in action, but not his mistakes in intention. She realizes that her trust and support are founded on the purity of the man’s intentions, for if he wishes to harm others or violate his core principles she will not follow.
4) Express love actively.
As a radiant human expression of the feminine, a woman spreads love and light to others. She giggles and gossips gleefully with her girlfriends, contributing to the joy of the group of ‘clucking hens’. However, she never speaks badly about anyone, as the cheap thrill of spreading rumors does not appeal to her.
She engages others with cheer and respect, honoring the value of all people and relishing the opportunity to brighten their lives.
5) Treat suitors with respect.
Unless a man drunkenly staggers over to her and appears to be a physical threat, she declines romantic invitations with humility and appreciation. She is grateful for the gift of sex appeal, and grateful to the man who approaches her for paying her a compliment.
6) Honor the femininity of other women.
A woman honors the bond of femininity that she shares with other women, which is very different from the bonds between men and women or men and men. A woman is comfortable braiding her girlfriend’s hair, dancing with her at a rock show, and cuddling with her at a slumber party. A woman is not afraid to intimately love other women through this feminine bond, as she knows that it takes a man on his path to properly lead and lovingly dominate her.
7) Express yourself.
A woman finds outlets for her natural creativity. She may paint pictures, decorate rooms, play music, or help her clueless male friends pick out clothes. She expresses not for the praise of others or for any motive, but for the simple joy of extending her beauty into the world.
8 ) Say what you mean.
A woman knows when to be cryptic and coy and when to be direct and honest. When she has a need that is not being met in her relationships, she expresses it as humbly and accurately as she can. She does NOT wait for others to read her mind while an issue eats away at her insides and her relationships.
9) Listen to your intuition.
When emotions run wild and thoughts cloud the mind, a woman disengages the chaos and trusts her gut feelings. Not her feelings–the feelings beneath them. The ones that seem binary, signaling either peace or stress. She chooses peace and avoids stress, as the cheap thrill of drama does not appeal to her.
May 15, 2008 at 5:38 pm
[...] How to Be a Woman by Mike Elias [...]
May 18, 2008 at 9:45 am
[...] How to Be a Woman by Mike Elias [...]
May 20, 2008 at 5:45 am
2, 5 and 3 are on point esp 3, I don’t get 4 well how can a chic gossip without being a clucking hen??? lol
June 22, 2008 at 3:08 am
That is a great description Mike!
I always find it hard to express what the feminine and masculine must be like. To me, it just comes out bits at a time.
Do you have a similar post like this about masculinity?
September 16, 2008 at 1:01 pm
This is bullshit. Sorry.
September 16, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Care to elaborate, Carla?
September 18, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Sure I can elaborate. While some of it is fine, I have to admit that I mostly have issues with it. A few phrases jump out at me:
“crazy outbursts and mood swings”
Crazy?? Just because one does not understand where a woman is coming from, it does not necessarily follow that her reactions are crazy.
“the masculine acts upon the world, the feminine exists in it”
Really? We only exist???
“Such a devoted woman has the courage to trust her man’s steady vision to penetrate the fog of her rampant emotions”
In the first paragraph our emotions are “a vital ingredient of [our] expressive beauty,” but now they are a fog of rampant emotions? And how many men do you know with a truly “steady” vision?
Actually, I take issue with all of point #3. Why should a woman follow a man just because he “intends” one thing even if he does another? If he can make mistakes (as we all do), then perhaps she needn’t follow him at all, but follow her own inner guide which, if he is right for her, should not be contradictory to his anyway. But she should never just follow a man without considering her own spirit first. And as far as asking how to serve him… I could go on for days!
While I get the point of #4, it still sounds condescending.
#5 – A woman needn’t be “grateful” just because a man chooses to see her as a sex object. If a man were respectful he would never need to feel any way if a woman declines his advances. She has her own mind, free will and choices. She can choose to turn away from anyone she wishes. If a man feels a way about it, then it is his own issue and insecurity.
#6 – “properly lead and lovingly dominate her”
This assumes that women are lesser than men and need to be controlled…albeit lovingly (whatever!).
#7, #8 and #9 I have no problems with.
I guess overall, I wonder who the author of this piece is. My guess is it’s a man, and men need to stop telling women how to be. Each person has to determine who they are and how they will interact with the world.
So again: Overall, I think it’s bullshit.
September 18, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Hi Carla,
Thanks for clarifying everything. I definitely learned a thing or two from your criticisms, and became aware of some of the ways I expressed myself unclearly.
““crazy outbursts and mood swings”
Crazy?? Just because one does not understand where a woman is coming from, it does not necessarily follow that her reactions are crazy.”
Of course her reactions aren’t ‘crazy’—they obviously make sense to HER. That her emotions are ‘wrong’ wasn’t the point anyway, I was referring to the quality of wildness.
“the masculine acts upon the world, the feminine exists in it”
Really? We only exist???”
I am referring to ENERGIES. Masculine and Feminine, Yin and Yang. Yang is active, Yin is receptive. Perhaps my real error here was lack of capitalization.
“In the first paragraph our emotions are “a vital ingredient of [our] expressive beauty,” but now they are a fog of rampant emotions?”
Your emotionality is a beautiful thing to witness. The Feminine is expressive by nature. But emotions are the cause and the effect of misinterpretation of reality. For instance, I’m feeling a bit upset because you’ve given my writing a lot of disapproval, and when I filter reality through that upsetness, I want to take my revenge by pointing out where you’re wrong etc etc. But when I stop and think about it, I become aware that you have no hostility toward me as a person—how could you? I’m words on the internet. You’re having fun, projecting your idea of ’sexist idiot’ onto my words and feeling the rush of self righteousness while tearing them apart. Who am I to rain on your parade? Kock yourself out, sister!
“And how many men do you know with a truly “steady” vision?”
Very fuckin few, but we’re gettin’ there.
“follow her own inner guide which, if he is right for her, should not be contradictory to his anyway. But she should never just follow a man without considering her own spirit first.”
I completely agree. Excuse me for being unclear.
“And as far as asking how to serve him… I could go on for days!”
Me too, it’s great. Can you imagine how much TRUST there must be for her to devote herself to him like that? It’s an act of pure love, worthy only of men whose love is just as pure.
“While I get the point of #4, it still sounds condescending.”
I can see that. Next time I’ll be more aware. Do you forgive me?
“#5 – If a man were respectful he would never need to feel any way if a woman declines his advances. She has her own mind, free will and choices. She can choose to turn away from anyone she wishes. If a man feels a way about it, then it is his own issue and insecurity.”
I agree. The issue arises when women are disrespectful. A lot of women these days seem to secretly enjoy rejecting men, which is essentially the same as bullying. With great power comes great responsibility—if you have power over men, ESPECIALLY if you put on makeup and wear ostentatious clothes specifically to maximize your power over men, you have a responsibility to be at the very least as respectful as is the man who approaches you.
“#6 – “properly lead and lovingly dominate her”
This assumes that women are lesser than men and need to be controlled…albeit lovingly (whatever!).”
I vaguely remember about eight billion romance novels about women getting ’swept off their feet’. Women don’t ‘need’ to be ‘controlled’. the feminine energy, which is submissive by nature, is at the core of most women, so most women would rather be led than lead.
“My guess is it’s a man, and men need to stop telling women how to be.”
So, you’re a woman… telling men how to be? :p
Thank you for taking the time,
–Mike
September 19, 2008 at 7:47 am
Since this back and forth can go on forever, I’ll just respond to the following comment from you and then move on:
——————
Your emotionality is a beautiful thing to witness. The Feminine is expressive by nature. But emotions are the cause and the effect of misinterpretation of reality. For instance, I’m feeling a bit upset because you’ve given my writing a lot of disapproval, and when I filter reality through that upsetness, I want to take my revenge by pointing out where you’re wrong etc etc. But when I stop and think about it, I become aware that you have no hostility toward me as a person—how could you? I’m words on the internet. You’re having fun, projecting your idea of ’sexist idiot’ onto my words and feeling the rush of self righteousness while tearing them apart. Who am I to rain on your parade? Kock yourself out, sister!
——————
I find it disappointing that you choose to call me emotional simply because I express a difference of opinion. How was my post any more emotionally charged than yours? Nonetheless, I dont’ have a problem expressing my emotions. So be it. But when you minimize my opinion simply because I’m a woman and women are emotional beings, it just shows me that YOU are the one lacking logic.
Furthermore, while I did call your article “bullshit” which, admittedly, may have been too harsh, where did I project that you are a “sexist idiot”? Hmmm… Me thinks thou doth protest too much!
You asked me to elaborate on my original post. I did. That was all. I have no opinions about you as a person as I don’t know you. I simply disagree with your view on How To Be a Woman. And since (I’m assuming here) you’ve NEVER been one (a woman, that is), and based on other posts on this site I’ve read you seem to have at least some trouble in understanding women, I was giving you a woman’s perspective of your idea on what a woman should be. If you had stated that those were the qualities YOU desire in a woman, I wouldn’t consider that bullshit. I’d consider that your opinion, which you’re entitled to. And I’d wish that you receive that sort of woman. After all, there’s somebody for everybody, right? But to suggest, definitively, how a woman should be, is just bullshit!
Have you asked women (a variety of different women) about themselves or their gender, what makes them tick, WHY they do things you don’t understand? I doubt it, because there is nothing in your writing that is truly understanding of the Feminine, only your limited and biased interpretation of it. A man can never tell a woman how to be…we already KNOW. And as I said before, each person has to determine who they are and how they will interact with the world. Nuff said!
Peace.
September 19, 2008 at 10:52 am
You said you’d just reply and move on, but I have a feeling you’ll be back to see my reply…
Judging by the tone of all three of your posts, it is apparent that you are not interested in learning anything, making friends, discussing things in a friendly manner, or even helping me understand women. You just want to tear up my shit. This makes me sad. Prove me wrong?
September 19, 2008 at 3:04 pm
You are right. I did come back to read your reply. But as far as proving you wrong, I have nothing to prove.
May 20, 2009 at 6:27 pm
great…
May 20, 2009 at 6:28 pm
i like it very much..
July 7, 2009 at 6:11 am
I read your blog entry and loved it. So much that I sent it over to my sister and told her I thought it was a great description on “how to be a woman.” She read it and then replied to me “Loved it. But did you read the girl Carla’s comments? Thoughts?” However I’d failed to read through the comments. LOL… so I had to go back and read Carla’s comment. While reading her comments I typed up the below as a response to my sisters email. Then I noticed that the two of you had gone back and forth in the same matter in which I responded so I decide… what they heck, I might as well put my 2 cents in
. Here’s the response I sent to my sis…
‘“crazy outbursts and mood swings”
Crazy?? Just because one does not understand where a woman is coming from, it does not necessarily follow that her reactions are crazy.’
Carla being this “angry” over a simple statement shows that she can get extremely emotional and when you come across extremely emotional then regular people look at you like you’re, well… “crazy!”
‘“the masculine acts upon the world, the feminine exists in it”
Really? We only exist???’
This is clearly a woman who has a problem with “being a woman” (the reason for this blog) or playing the role of a feminine woman. This drives real men away. PERIOD
‘“Such a devoted woman has the courage to trust her man’s steady vision to penetrate the fog of her rampant emotions”
In the first paragraph our emotions are “a vital ingredient of [our] expressive beauty,” but now they are a fog of rampant emotions? And how many men do you know with a truly “steady” vision?’
I think what the writer was saying is that a woman’s emotions are a part of her. Don’t be afraid to express them. Just know HOW to express them. Carla’s initial comment “this is bullshit” shows she doesn’t know how to express herself or her emotions thoroughly. Even the way she commented to the post shows that she is “reactive” instead of “proactive.” In relationships, women who are proactive with their emotions tend to be less “emotional” while still expressing their emotions. This is key.
“Actually, I take issue with all of point #3. Why should a woman follow a man just because he “intends” one thing even if he does another? If he can make mistakes (as we all do), then perhaps she needn’t follow him at all, but follow her own inner guide which, if he is right for her, should not be contradictory to his anyway. But she should never just follow a man without considering her own spirit first. And as far as asking how to serve him… I could go on for days!”
Honey… we don’t make the rules, but trust me, if you want a man, then you have to make sacrifices, just make sure those sacrifices don’t compromise your integrity. Also, do a better job a judging a man. If you don’t think you can “follow him” then he’s probably not the man for you. Find a man that is “worthy” of you following him or be single. Either way you have to do what makes you happy.
“While I get the point of #4, it still sounds condescending” – Clearly this woman is quite bitter.
#5 – A woman needn’t be “grateful” just because a man chooses to see her as a sex object. If a man were respectful he would never need to feel any way if a woman declines his advances. She has her own mind, free will and choices. She can choose to turn away from anyone she wishes. If a man feels a way about it, then it is his own issue and insecurity.
– She has misinterpreted his entire statement. It takes a lot for a respectable man to approach you. If a “respectable” man goes out of his way to compliment and show interest in you, you don’t have to accept his advances, but it’s crass and un-ladylike to be plain out rude. Again, this post is about “being a woman” it’s clear that this person has no idea of what it takes to be a woman.
All and all, this post may be a little “straight forward” but if you read between the lines and analyze the words from a “womanly” prospective, the post shows you how to be, well… a woman. There are different forms of women, feminist, liberated, docile, submissive, etc. You can choose to be either kind you want, but you have to be willing to live with the consequences. I used to be a carbon copy of “Carla” but I wasn’t happy. It was like I was fighting the natural order of the universe. To me, this post was more empowering than demeaning because of the fact that it is a challenge to me. It’s a challenge for a woman to be strong enough to play the role of “woman” while at the same time respecting herself, her emotions and her sexuality. I just want to thank you, Mike, for writing such a profound / straight to the point entry.
July 7, 2009 at 9:26 am
Thank you Ms. Kiki for your profound and straight to the point reply.
I really appreciate your appreciation. Keep on truckin’!
–Mike