The Aiee of the Eye

Do praise me, O iGers, for that wonderful David Hawkins pun. xD

I awoke this morning with a bit of a bothery contact lens in my left eye. I got out of bed to go change it, and when I took it out an ecruciating pain fololowed. So this is not good.

Zen! POO!!!

I find it sort of difficult to write with awareness and freedom and stuff, but I’m going to try anyway. Hah! what a paradox. Try to be free. hah. HOO!

I read Osho all day, if any of you are wondering why I appear to have gone insane. I read most of “Zen” and it was awesome, I highly recommend it. Um, what else? yes. So I can’t really eplain this with words, just go read that book and maybe you’ll get it.

Lesson Learned :)

Last night, my mom and I were talking about “chop wood, carry water,” and how as long as you’re following your heart and living with awareness it doesn’t matter what you’re actually doing, happiness comes from within. She asked the question, “So why does that exclude living with awareness while doing tasks like learning in class and writing essays? Why must it be simple things like chopping wood and carrying water?” I give my mom a lot of credit here, cause this question sparked a little satori for me (not really a satori, that’s just a fun word ).

Irony and Clarity

I’m just praying to God that some of you really care about this situation. xD

So my parents and I had another talk today. They’re going to “allow” me to drop out of college. My dad decided to undertake the paperwork to make sure he gets all our money back, and it’s been decided that it’s my responsibility to get all my stuff back home from Santa Cruz. My parents are going to set me up with a therapist/counselor for me to talk to, perhaps so that the therapist can help my parents understand what I’m going through. I’m not sure if a therapist will be able to understand unless he just so happens to be an avid spiritual seeker, and it seems unlikely that those would become therapists. So we’ll see what happens there.

It appears that my parents do actually love me and support me pretty much unconditionally.

Little Update–Enlightenment ahead?

I think things have been going well. Last night my ego rebelled a little bit, felt devalidated and confused and stuff, but things are better now. I read from I: Reality and Subjectivity by David Hawkins for a while today, as well as spent a lot of time meditating.

Out of the Pot and onto the Stove

I told my mom I’m dropping out. The school calls it “withdrawing,” isn’t that a cute euphemism? This may be an interesting few upcoming days/weeks, and I wouldn’t be too surprised if I can’t get on the internet for a while.

Alia Iacta Est

“The die is cast.”

–Julius Caesar

Ruminations on Love, Little Adventures, and some Demented-Ass Chess

This is a long post. It contains a couple stories, a couple realizations, that kind of thing. Enjoy, friends.

The Beginnings of True Liberation

If you read that whole chapter by Ken Wilber, you read:

Ken Wilber Explains Again

My intuition told me to visit a certain bookstore today, so I did. I found a book by Ken Wilber called “One Taste” and opened it up. Not too far in was this chapter, copied in its entirety here: http://wilber.shambhala.com/html/misc/spthtr.cfm/

Before you click that link, the passage pretty long and you may not want to read it all. However, I wanted to highlight a small paragraph of it and say a few things:

Perfection and perception and stuff

This text is only here so that you have to click the “read the rest” link because I like beinga ble to track how many people look at each post. Love ya!

DEATH PLACE

A movie created for Mr. Perl’s Sci-Fi class, Spring 2007

I am a walking contradiction!

A very wise person on the ideaGasms forum said this:

Separation, illusion, belief, disbelief, conviction, truth, goals.

All things that keep us from the moment, even truth keeps us from the moment. Truth isn’t something you acquire, only when you let yourself go completely, only then does truth come. It simply happens.

Goals, missions, expectations. Having a purpose is something that happens in the mind. Only the mind can grasp it. And when you let the mind grasp it tension happens, tension in your body, tension in your whole being. And this tension is what is keeping you from truth.

If you let yourself go fully, purpose may very well happen, and it may drive you. But to create it and hold on to it is no different from creating the worst mind-misery you can imagine, only a more subtle form.

The mind is tricky, when you discover it’s trickery at one level it drops down to something more subtle, more cunning. Until you discover that, then it drops even further. And so it goes.

When you find the minds musts, have to’s and don’ts. And see through them, your whole being relaxes. Only in this relaxation can you find truth, god and peace.

And here was my reply:

Another important realization, courtesy of my yellow chakra

If I stay in school because I’m afraid to do what I really want to do, I’m living in fear. Reactively. Not free. Not learning any lessons. If I drop out and whatever happens happens, as long as I’m doing what I want to do, I’m living with love. Proactively. Free. Learning lessons. And the more ‘wrong things’ I do, the more lessons I’ll learn, and the faster I’ll start naturally wanting to do the ‘right things.’

From this belief, stems the belief that…

Ew, I’m talking like a philosopher. Thank me for noticing.

Anyway, read that bold statement again. Doesn’t it follow from this that I should always do whatever I want?

An Important Realization

The man’s right. And I realized, everything is perfect, always. Everyone is completely and eternally safe, because nobody’s existence is separate from the perfect whole. That kind of belief can give someone some serious balls: “I believe I am completely and eternally safe… let’s go volcano diving!”

Just kidding.

But seriously, this realization has helped illuminate the importance of living life with love instead of with fear, thus experiencing true freedom.

Therefore, although I am afraid to drop out of college in order to base my life on something I’m passionate about

To the dude whose comments I deleted

Dear dude,

Thank you for getting mad at me, because if you hadn’t I probably wouldn’t have written this.

I want people to like me. I even want YOU to like me. But I’m starting to see that my respect for myself is far more important than other people’s opinions.

Here’s why I deleted your comment.