Becoming Awareness

I have been reading from this website voraciously over the last day or so: http://faculty.virginia.edu/consciousness/home.html

This is essentially a free textbook about Reality (aka God aka Source aka the universe aka Consciousness etc) and a course on seeing it. For anybody with a truly open mind and the slightest curiosity about the universe, the meaning of life, etc, I recommend reading the whole damn thing. The more I progress, the more profound its value appears.

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A while ago, I felt myself gravitating toward sleep, and continued to practice “going inward” (i.e. paying attention to Awareness itself, as opposed to its contents) as I lay down, drifting off. At the edge of dreams, I realized in an instant that my thinking mind had created all these dreams, and that my focus had slipped from Awareness, so I refocused it.

At this moment, I felt what can only be described as a small “energy orgasm.” In an instant, I felt transparent, no longer clouded inside by the constant buzz of anxiety, with which I had become accustomed to living over the years. I felt my breathing all over my body. With each inhalation, I felt the atmosphere around me contract and permeate me. With each exhalation, I felt the atmosphere release itself and push away. I felt as though my entire body was at the heart of a crystal ball, that expanded and contracted with each breath. Like in the first Matrix, after Neo stops the bullets, he kinda flexes his muscles and the walls flex with him. I felt the skin on my toes breathe as much as I did my lungs. I kept my eyes closed for a few moments, and continued to focus on awareness itself, observing and accepting my attachment to this new, exciting feeling. The word “gratitude” popped into my mind and I focused on it, and realized that another layer of glorious emotion had spread throughout me. I felt “gratitude” closer to “completely” than I’d ever felt any emotion.

When I dared open my eyes, I realized that the feeling persisted. I felt the expansion of my very being with each breath. I sat up and looked around. Everything I saw was literally expanding and contracting, ever so slightly, as I breathed. I got out of bed and let my robe fall to the floor. I realized the first hint of the holographic nature of the phenomenal (material, observable, constantly changing) world, as I gazed at my amplifier and watched it breathe with me.

When the feeling ended, I obeyed my desire to describe the experience in a blog post. What you are reading, is this blog post.

Love,
–Mike

P.S. Was I temporarily “enlightened”? Honestly, I don’t think so. If I had been enlightened, the feeling never would have changed. Chances are, what I experienced was a mere taste of the release and the realization that comes with total awakening. The first few raindrops of a hurricane.